He Humbles Us

I've said it more than once in recent months-- I just wish this year would get over. We have had our share of tragedies and uncertainties this year. More importantly we have had our share of little miracles.

It's the hard times that really make you take a step back and realize all the things that you have taken for granted.

I am truly humbled and grateful for all that I have been blessed with.

The biggest blessing that my eyes have been opened too is my husband. Both of us have changed. Our first seven years of our marriage was filled with turmoil and bitter feelings. Without divulging all the personal gory details, I'll share my short synopsis. I was self -righteous and unforgiving, while Dylan struggled with personal issues. Instead of being supportive, I threw it in his face. It was depressing to me, I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I talked to bishop after bishop seeking guidance, and I would be reminded that I married a good man who cared for me. This I knew was true, but I couldn't get past his stuff, that was keeping him from doing what I felt he should be doing.

Blah, blah, blah-- skip ahead to now-- Like a said we have faced so much as a couple in just this year alone, not to mention our entire marriage. Dylan has become the "glue of my earth." The man holds it all together for me. He has overcome his personal struggles that plagued me, and he has this spirit about him that calms me and blesses our home. When I'm flying off the handle, he grounds me and gives me comfort. His faith supersedes any I have seen.

For years, I am sad to say, I questioned the answer I received, when praying about getting married. This year has made me realize Heavenly Father truly knew what I needed. I needed this man, who would teach me the world is not about black and white. This life is about unconditional love regardless of our faults. This life is about faith, faith in God and faith in our fellow man.

I would not trade any of my experiences. I have learned so much and I am so thankful, for the humility I have gained. I know, that no matter how hard my life gets, I have my best friend to lean on, and even carry me through this storm. I am grateful I get to spend FOREVER with this man.

He Blesses Us With Children

As we talked about Alma in family home evening tonight. Our four year old asked about the prophet Abinadi and what happened to him. We explained that a mean king burnt him and he died. Our four year old then said, oh I know that story and then the king got fired too--I mean burnt. Dylan and I both sat their with out mouths agape. We both knew that information did not come from us. I asked her where she learned it. She replied, in my book, let me show you. She then went upstairs to her bookshelf and retrieved the old copy of the Book of Mormon reader that we have. She quickly opened to the page and showed us the pictures. I was astounded. Here she is, unable to read, but fully able to grasp the concept of the story in just a few pictures.

I was quickly reminded of Shahna's talk in stake conference, that deeply pierced my heart. She spoke of teaching our children the scriptures. Not watered down stories, but the actual scriptures. She taught that even small children are able to understand and grasp the scriptures. Tonight we witnessed living proof of this concept. Now its time as parents we step up to the plate, its obvious Claire is ready and waiting for us.

He Reminds Us

It's amazing to me how in the midst of trials my relationship with my husband has become so much stronger. I have discovered this strong man, with so much faith. He amazes me and makes me realize how blessed I am. Each day I'm reminded of why I love this guy!

He Give Us Prophets

I have soooooooo been procrastinating writing, and I have needed to badly. How quickly our lives change and we get so caught up in the day to day, we forget to stop and appreciate what we have. I feel as though I have been so ungrateful. Now as I am staring a bleak future in the face I look back and wish, I would have stopped and took more time to appreciate all that I have been blessed with.

Tonight as I sat at our General Relief Society Broadcast, I was reminded once again of how blessed I am. President Uchtdorf's talk really hit home for me. He first spoke on how we as women tend to undervalue our abilities. How we should be striving to please the Lord to the best of our abilities-- not perfectly but to the best of our abilities. He then spoke of finding happiness in this life-- something I have a really hard time with. He asked, what is the greatest kind of happiness? The answer God's happiness-- He went on to say that God is a God of CREATION and COMPASSION. This hit me so hard. For MONTHS I have had this burning within me to create and nurture and take care-- of what I don't know-- its been so intense I have almost felt lost. I have been out of control crafting and serving. I was beginning to feel kind of guilty for these feelings. Listening tonight made me realize that these are indeed inherent feelings that we must nurture and strengthen so that we can become more like God. He is the ultimate creator and nurturer. I need to have these desires and I need to find happiness through these things. Now I shouldn't be looking for happiness through receiving praise from others because of my creating or my service. But I should be seeking joy in the mere act of doing so.

I have found this recently-- Joy in service and creating-- amazing feelings arise within me as I have went out with the missionaries, or went visiting teaching, maybe just doing a simple favor, making something I've never made before, perfecting something, finding ways to bring joy to my husband or daughter. These things bring me JOY-- not what curtains I have, or what clothes I am wearing, or how big my house is-- those things are trivial. The thought of possibly having to work full time and losing my freedom to serve and create is what terrifies me most. I love being available if a friend needs help, or taking a day to sit in my studio and create till my hearts content I cherish these moments with all of my heart. Too the point of selfishness almost.

President Uchtdorf quoted President Hinckley as saying, "The more we serve our fellow man the more substance there is to our souls."

I can't tell you the times when I was emotionally and spiritually in anguish-- the only thing to relieve this pain was SERVICE-- Thank You to the Bishop that made me compassionate service leader, thank you to my Aunt who made me the Assistant coach for her little girls softball team, thank you to the Bishop that made me Young Women's president. All took place when I was being swallowed by anguish in my life.

Work does cure your grief! Serving others is such a blessing to ones life. I've had people ask me why I like to go out with the Sister Missionaries, and as I have pondered this I've realized, number one, because I have always wanted to serve a mission, but number two because of the way I feel the rest of the day, and the next few days-- my soul is fed and joy literally abounds.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is such a glorious thing-- it brings me peace and direction in my life. I am so blessed to be a member of Christ's church, to know that I am a daughter of God, to know that my time on this Earth is to be creating and rejoicing and taking care of one another. I only hope to remember this-- to strive to appreciate all the joy and beauty that surrounds me. I know that if I am faithful to the covenants and commandments I have been given, my life will be blessed and I will need not fear.

He Answers Our Prayers

I have had the chance to go out with the Sister Missionaries quite a few times lately. I love it!!! I wish I had time to go every day. Today while I was with them a prayer was answered in a mysterious way.

With Dylan's store not doing well and not knowing from one day to the next if we will have a job, I have been contemplating going back to teaching. In fact last Sunday, I was in the "I suck as a mom" mode and thought, Claire would probably be better off with someone else and I should go back to work. Quickly, a plan formed in my little pea brain. Everything seemed like it would work. Of course this whole little tangent occurred on the way to church. As I sat through church I was quickly reminded why I stay home. All those reasons I feel it important to stay home, especially that this will be my last year home with Claire. But, I still was thinking that going back to work still my be the right thing to do.

Fast forward to this morning. The missionaries called around nine to see if I would be able to go on a visit with them. Me, not having too many responsibilities had an open afternoon and I said that I would love to. I went and it was wonderful, the spirit was strong I got to bear testimony of Eternal Families. I then dropped the Sisters at their next appointment and went home.

An hour later I get a phone call from the Sisters asking if their keys were in my car and checked and they weren't. The sister's showed up on my doorstep second later to check. Nope, no car keys. So I offered to take them back to our original appointment, cause they couldn't get a hold of the gal by phone.

Long story short, the keys were there. Here's the kicker. While I am driving the Sisters back to their house, one of the Sisters is expressing her sincere appreciation for my help. And it hit my like a ton of bricks. This is why I stay home-- so I can serve.

Things are tight, there's no doubt about it. We have also not been living very frugally for the last little while. We need to make some sacrifices on our part. If I were working I would not only miss out on raising my daughter, but I would miss out on all the opportunities there are out there to serve others and build Heavenly Father's Kingdom. My mother has always been a great example of this.

I know that he loves us and will take care of us. I also know that I am here on this Earth to do His work. The Lord takes care of his people. I do have a testimony of that.

He Answers Our Prayers

Things have been quite tight financially since me quitting babysitting and my surgery. Yesterday I did our budget and was thrown into a deep despair. We were going to be in the red this pay period. NOT good. I was stressing and panicking and stressing and panicking. Then the spirit reminded me, everything will work out, it will be okay. Like normal I dismissed this and continued to stress.

This morning I took on the depressing task of balancing with the bank statement. But this time it wasn't so depressing. When all was said and done the bank statement said I had fifty more dollars than my register said, what???? So, I began my research. Sure enough I found a bill I had written in twice. It was almost the exact amount I needed in my account to keep us from overdrawing until payday tomorrow. Coincidence, I think not.

Does this solve my long term financial situation-- NO, but it once again reminds me to have faith. I sometimes think that Heavenly Father is beating me over the head with this stuff and I am still not getting it. What's it going to take for me to get a clue-- Sarah, he listens to your prayers, he knows what you need.

For this upcoming financial stress I want to have faith that things will work out. I don't want to stress. I want to work hard to prove myself and let Heavenly Father take over. I know and believe that he loves me and knows my hearts desire, he's just waiting for me to get with the program.

I Have Seen His Hand

Once again my life has stared the unthinkable in the face. I came home from a month at my mothers and found myself pregnant. Yeah!!!! Not! From the minute I found out I was pregnant there was no excitement. . . none. I was worried because I hadn't been feeling well, I was worried cause I miscarried in February, I was worried because our insurance was cancelled by our employer last month. This pregnancy did not bring the joy the other two had.

There was a reason for that. This pregnancy brought with it a grapefruit sized cyst, a whole lot of pain, a humongous price tag, and no baby.

I am grateful for the priesthood blessing, that I know played a roll in saving my life. I had been bleeding internally for quite a while. I am grateful for that monster cyst that caused me so much pain I had to get things checked out, otherwise I think I would have ignored the other signs. I am grateful for the people who are in my life right now, who make it a little easier to bear this stinking burden. I am thankful for my husband who keeps putting up with me. I am thankful for my innocent daughter who has such simple faith and hope. I know that I am blessed. I know that my life has been spared. I may not feel like it should have been right now, but I know that I have a mission on this Earth. I know that I need to get over myself and focus on what I can be doing to bless the Kingdom of My Heavenly Father.