Tuesday, June 23, 2009

He Lets Us Choose Our Path

The past few weeks have been fraught with stress and turmoil. (What's new right?) We found out that the assets of Dylan's previous job were being sold and the store taken over. Mixed emotions soon followed. Shock, disbelief, and anger, were just a few. We have spent the last two weeks trying to prove that we had some claim to the business and should have had an first opt to buy.

To those of you who are confused, I'll clarify. Dylan has been working his buns off the last few months building his business through existing customers in our area. He has been quite successful, just on a smaller scale than before. We were comfortable with the way things were going. The sale of the assets greatly affected our progress. Not only would the customers we've been serving go back to where they were buying from because there would now be a store again, but any future customers would more than likely disappear too. We saw what we had slowly been building crumble in a matter of minutes.

My body was physically ill. The stress level has been through the roof. My husband, cool as a cucumber has been enjoying the intensity and his clarity of mind every step of the way. That's why I married this man.

So, we were faced with the dilemma, to fight or not to fight-- for the business that is. We were lacking one major key-- MONEY-- or so we thought. As we were faced with yet another stumbling block it became quickly apparent that our previous choices in choosing to live a different financial lifestyle the last few months had us prepared for just this situation, that and Dylan has been putting any penny earned from helping customers right back into his business, we have not personally seen a cent of it. So, as usual when faced with the thought of having to come up with money, our first thought was, no way. We can't do it. We don't have the money. And of course a million other excuses. As we continued to discuss, pray and take a deep personal inventory of what we want and have planned for our future, things unseemingly began to make sense and fall into place.

Something did not sit right with us purchasing the assets of the business, it may have had something to do with feeling strong-armed into a lease in a not so good location, for an outrageous price for the next three years on top of the purchase price. After fasting and prayer, we both decided to just let it go. It was amazing that as soon as this choice was made, the bank called to inform us of our lending options for the business-- we have lending options??? We have found better retail locations for more reasonable prices. And so on and so forth.

I realized yesterday, that sometimes Heavenly Father just waits for us to make a choice, and then clears a path once the choice has been made. We are on this earth to exercise our agency, not to be told what to do, but to decide what is best for us to do. I am so blessed to have the power of prayer in my life.

On a side note, last night in family home evening we were discussing the power of prayer and Heavenly Father answering them. The topic of us praying for a baby came up. My sweet, tender-hearted, all knowing child spoke very plainly, and answered a prayer that I have been thinking has gone unanswered. She said, "Mom, maybe Heavenly Father wants us to get a baby by adopting. I think that you are only going to have one baby and that's me." Yes, people she's four, and more aware of things than I can ever give her credit for. Once again, I think Heavenly Father is allowing us to make a choice, all he is waiting for is us to exercise faith in knowing that he will provide a way for us.

Monday, June 1, 2009

He Places In Our Path Angels

I am forever amazed at the people who have come into my life at certain times. Its as though Heavenly Father is handing me a neon sign saying, "I told you I am here and know what you need."

As I have been fighting to stay spiritually afloat the last few months there are a few people whose testimonies and strength have buoyed me, in my lack of spiritual strength. I have truly struggled with going back to work. Which might seem silly, but it has made me question just about every aspect of my life. I don't quite understand why this is so hard for me. At this time I have been blessed to work with the most amazing woman in the Relief Society presidency. She has been through so much in her life and her resiliency and faith are amazing. She has overcome so much, and continues to be so strong, even when I think I would not be able to go any farther, she continues to amaze.

As I have suffered through my poor me mentality, I have watched this woman. I have come to realize a few things. 1st that I am pretty selfish and judgemental. 2nd I am constantly reminded of how Heavenly Father works in VERY mysterious ways.

I spent Saturday evening in tears with my husband, not knowing if any aspect of my life was what I wanted. After wallowing in my self-pity and deciding I was being rediculus, and I have a little work to do on myself, I realized how judgemental I have been at certain times in my life, only to turn around and be in some of the exact situations that I had been judgemental about.

I hope that I am learning, to love and accept all my brothers and sisters and not judge them. I also hope that I am improving myself, despite my weaknesses. I know now, the things I am experiencing are to make me stronger. I also know that we are on this Earth to learn from and strengthen each other.