Monday, February 25, 2008

He Gives Us Blessings

After talking with my mom today, I started thinking what our life would be like if we were still living in Idaho right now. Quickly I thought we are so blessed to be in Texas right now. The economy in Idaho, took a serious dive right after we left. I don't think we could have escaped the recourses of this. I feel that we were definately blessed, by this opportunity. It is sad being far away from family, but I feel that we are here for a reason, and I know that are lives are better because of it.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Reminds Us That He Is In Control

Let me tell you a few things that have shown me the hand of God and then I will tell you why.

1. Dylan's Parents being here this weekend
2. The people I babysit for, calling yesterday to tell me my schedule is changed and I won't have to babysit this week.
3. Little promptings here and there that things aren't okay.
4. A wonderful supportive husband
5. Watching a movie, that we were expecting to be funny, but was really about dealing with hard times in marriage.
6. Having a child that has a complete understanding of the gospel.
7. Praying to know what do to and being prompted to go to the ER
8. Praying for peace and comfort and finding it around every corner.

Last night we visited the ER. Long story short I have miscarried. As I laid my head down at 4:00 a.m. to finally go to sleep, all that kept going through my head was the many things that were put into motion with out my control.

1. Dylan's parents didn't know I would miscarry this weekend and we would need their help, they didn't even know we were pregnant yet. They usually go home on Monday when they come but decided at the last minute to ask for an extra day off.
2. Yesterday we were sightseeing with Dylan's parents, and I got a phone call from the people that I babysit for. They were out of town but called to let me know that their schedule has changed and that I would not have to babysit this week. When I got off the phone, I had this prompting that there definately was a reason that this happened.
3. All last week I was feeling that something was not right, but I ignored those promptings. 4. Dylan, could I ask for a stronger man? He has been so great and has known exactly what to say.
5. Yesterday evening, we went with the in-laws to pick a movie at Blockbuster, someone picked up Why Did I Get married? (one of the guys) we all thought it would be funny, while it had a few funny parts it was pretty serious, and was about different couples handling challenges in their marriages. A great reminder before you realize that you have to go to the ER.
6. When I got home from the hospital last night, all I wanted was to have Dylan hold me and me hold Claire. We talked about things this morning and this kid is such a blessing in my life. She understands, and she even was sad, but she completely understood that our baby was with Heavenly Father and things were okay. Granted she wanted to go to the baby store and buy a new baby, but she did understand.
7. As I ignored previous promptings, last night when I realized that something was definately not right, I cried, and cried and got down on my knees, I was scared. I didn't know what I should say if I were to call the Doctor's office in the morning. I didn't know if I was overreacting. I didn't know what to do. I climbed into bed and worried some more. I went to the Bathroom again, and was strongly prompted to go to the ER. Once again I wanted to ignore this prompting, thinking that I was being over cautious. This time though it wouldn't go away, and I listened.
8. Last night I also prayed to find peace and comfort with what ever happened. While I was scared before we went to the hospital, once we were there I was fine. When we recieved the news I was sad, which is what is to be expected. Then as my fabulous husband and I talked on the car ride home, and when we went to bed, he knew what to say and I knew what he was saying is true.

I know that I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me!! I know that he has a plan for each of us. We are free to choose, but God's will is stronger than mans and He knows all. He knows what I need, He knows that I can bear this burden, He loves me. Sometimes we need reminded that it is not in our hands. It's in God's.

Monday, February 18, 2008

He Answers Our Prayers

We have been doing infertility for six months now. Two weeks ago was my clomid check. The day before was fast Sunday. Dylan and I decided to fast and pray to know if we should keep doing this. Unfortunately, we didn't feel like we got an answer. I went to the Dr. the next day, I was late, not having started my cycle. The Dr. had me take a urine pregnancy test and it was negative. I came home devastated. I just felt like I could not go through another month of nothing. But, my cycle never started. I tested a few days later and it was positive. Yea!!! We are going to have a baby. As I look back, we probably didn't feel like we recieved an answer because we already had one, and just didn't know it. I love how Heavenly Father always reminds us that he is in charge and not us. I have been extremely worried about things this time around. I am so blessed to know that I can kneel down at any time and call upon my Father in Heaven and find comfort and solace in him. He really does answer our prayers!!

Saturday, February 2, 2008

He Inspires Us Through Great Leaders

I watched President Hinckley's funeral today and was deeply moved. Moved to the point of tears, and to the point of wanting more for myself.

I have been going through the motions for so long, but not tuly investing myself in my spiritual growth. Just recently I have felt prompted that I needed more. . . more than I have been doing spiritually. I have this desire to do better, and feel like I am only getting worse and more lax in my spirituallity. For the last month I have tried to make a more concerted effort to work harder at the things I know I need to be doing, and Satan has done everything to keep me from moving forward.

As I listened and was reminded of this great man, and all that he did, I realized that he was just a man. I also realized that this is God's work and that with his help I can accomplish anything. I truly want more for me and my family. I have been lacking in faith. I am so grateful for the reminder that this is what I should be doing. That if I so desire to become a better person, that He will help me if I call on Him. I am so grateful for President Hinckley and his example. Because of him I want to be the best possible person that I can be.