Monday, March 23, 2009

He Calms Our Troubled Hearts

Since September we have been holding our breath. Dylan got the call that the store was floundering and his boss was thinking of calling it quits. It was amazing how blessings appeared out of the woodwork. Little things here and there. But the feelings of anxiousness didn't subside. I continued to stress and wonder what was going to happen to our little family.

I had plenty of time to observe friends living through, what I knew my family surely would face. During this time, I welcomed advice and took careful notes.

I feel blessed to go through this trial, when so many others are experiencing the same thing. Its bittersweet. Yet, I can't imagine how much harder it would be if we were the only ones.

One crucial piece of advice, that I truly feel was inspired, was from the dearest of friends. She shared with me of how she and her husband prayed, fasted, and attended the temple with a very specific purpose and plan. She bore her testimony of the peace they found after taking these small steps.

Prayers have left my lips, millions of times over, ever since my mouth could utter words. Never before did it occur to me to create my own detailed and specific plan, not to mention developing this plan with my spouse. I felt as though my teenage spirit had just entered adulthood.

Sure I had prayed for things before, and you would think that I would have even created some kind of plan in the past. But truly, I really only think I've prayed for help with A, or to know if B or C was the right thing to do. Never did I say, Okay, this is what we feel we want/need x, y, and z. And this is how we are going to do it and we would like to do it within this time line. Please give us confirmation.

To many of you this may seem like information I should have learned in primary, but it truly never occurred to me to approach my trials in this manner.

I discussed the idea with Dylan and we decided we had nothing to lose and the whole world to gain. In January we attended the temple. Planning, discussing, and praying before we entered those hallowed doors. When we left, it was amazing, but we both walked away with the same exact feelings. One of which was PEACE.

Within a week things that were out of our hands were set into motion. A job offer for me. It left us confused, but quickly that confirming peace was there.
Within a month, news of Dylan's job coming to a real end. We didn't even seem to bat an eye at this. Total and complete peace.

Within two weeks, my frustration with Dylan's lack of job searching was coming to a head, when he approached me with, not just one miracle, but a handful. Offers were made, trust was given, and my husband tells me he wants to open his OWN store.

Don't forget I'm the one lacking faith in this relationship. So true to form. I put on the brakes. Causing opposition and anger all around me. I second guessed everything. I mean really, him losing his job, was supposed to be his chance to get a real job, with benefits, and a chance to move up and all those necessities I'd been longing for. My force of opposition was gaining strength now, and of course, my feelings of peace had dissipated.

The one thing that kept screaming to me loud and clear was, you need to talk with your bishop. I begged Dylan to make an appointment. He wouldn't-- see he's just as stubborn as I am-- so I did.

The counsel we recieved was, you need to make this decision together. He gave us other great counsel too, but he kept coming back to us making this decision together. All I could think was-- wait a second. We did make this decision together. Two months ago at the temple. Everything felt right then, what has changed?

The peace in my heart was back. My eyes were opened.

Dylan and I talked, we discussed. We refined our plan and again, we will fast and pray, and take it to the Lord. I know, we both know the answer. But it never hurts to make sure. Because we are human, and there must be opposition in all things. That's what this life is all about, knowing the bitter from the sweet.

4 comments:

Bree said...

Hearts for you Sar.

Shandi Routson said...

BEAUTIFUL!!! Love you!

Janie said...

Prayer does work!!!
My testimony of prayer came from a lady who once told me she prayed about whether or not to sell her car at a certain time and she didn't feel calm about it and she knew that was her answer.
I up until that point I flew by the seat of my pants on the "I hope what I just did was ok" instead of praying before decisions.

I know we are all learning a lot from these trials, but that doesn't mean I don't hope they end SOON

Thanks for helping me keep it all in perspective

Janette said...

I know that y'all are going to be just fine. Because you are strong people! You're risilient, resourceful, and smart. And, because God does hear and answer prayers. Hang in there ... and keep us posted. xoxo.