I am forever amazed at the people who have come into my life at certain times. Its as though Heavenly Father is handing me a neon sign saying, "I told you I am here and know what you need."
As I have been fighting to stay spiritually afloat the last few months there are a few people whose testimonies and strength have buoyed me, in my lack of spiritual strength. I have truly struggled with going back to work. Which might seem silly, but it has made me question just about every aspect of my life. I don't quite understand why this is so hard for me. At this time I have been blessed to work with the most amazing woman in the Relief Society presidency. She has been through so much in her life and her resiliency and faith are amazing. She has overcome so much, and continues to be so strong, even when I think I would not be able to go any farther, she continues to amaze.
As I have suffered through my poor me mentality, I have watched this woman. I have come to realize a few things. 1st that I am pretty selfish and judgemental. 2nd I am constantly reminded of how Heavenly Father works in VERY mysterious ways.
I spent Saturday evening in tears with my husband, not knowing if any aspect of my life was what I wanted. After wallowing in my self-pity and deciding I was being rediculus, and I have a little work to do on myself, I realized how judgemental I have been at certain times in my life, only to turn around and be in some of the exact situations that I had been judgemental about.
I hope that I am learning, to love and accept all my brothers and sisters and not judge them. I also hope that I am improving myself, despite my weaknesses. I know now, the things I am experiencing are to make me stronger. I also know that we are on this Earth to learn from and strengthen each other.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
He Calms Our Troubled Hearts
Since September we have been holding our breath. Dylan got the call that the store was floundering and his boss was thinking of calling it quits. It was amazing how blessings appeared out of the woodwork. Little things here and there. But the feelings of anxiousness didn't subside. I continued to stress and wonder what was going to happen to our little family.
I had plenty of time to observe friends living through, what I knew my family surely would face. During this time, I welcomed advice and took careful notes.
I feel blessed to go through this trial, when so many others are experiencing the same thing. Its bittersweet. Yet, I can't imagine how much harder it would be if we were the only ones.
One crucial piece of advice, that I truly feel was inspired, was from the dearest of friends. She shared with me of how she and her husband prayed, fasted, and attended the temple with a very specific purpose and plan. She bore her testimony of the peace they found after taking these small steps.
Prayers have left my lips, millions of times over, ever since my mouth could utter words. Never before did it occur to me to create my own detailed and specific plan, not to mention developing this plan with my spouse. I felt as though my teenage spirit had just entered adulthood.
Sure I had prayed for things before, and you would think that I would have even created some kind of plan in the past. But truly, I really only think I've prayed for help with A, or to know if B or C was the right thing to do. Never did I say, Okay, this is what we feel we want/need x, y, and z. And this is how we are going to do it and we would like to do it within this time line. Please give us confirmation.
To many of you this may seem like information I should have learned in primary, but it truly never occurred to me to approach my trials in this manner.
I discussed the idea with Dylan and we decided we had nothing to lose and the whole world to gain. In January we attended the temple. Planning, discussing, and praying before we entered those hallowed doors. When we left, it was amazing, but we both walked away with the same exact feelings. One of which was PEACE.
Within a week things that were out of our hands were set into motion. A job offer for me. It left us confused, but quickly that confirming peace was there.
Within a month, news of Dylan's job coming to a real end. We didn't even seem to bat an eye at this. Total and complete peace.
Within two weeks, my frustration with Dylan's lack of job searching was coming to a head, when he approached me with, not just one miracle, but a handful. Offers were made, trust was given, and my husband tells me he wants to open his OWN store.
Don't forget I'm the one lacking faith in this relationship. So true to form. I put on the brakes. Causing opposition and anger all around me. I second guessed everything. I mean really, him losing his job, was supposed to be his chance to get a real job, with benefits, and a chance to move up and all those necessities I'd been longing for. My force of opposition was gaining strength now, and of course, my feelings of peace had dissipated.
The one thing that kept screaming to me loud and clear was, you need to talk with your bishop. I begged Dylan to make an appointment. He wouldn't-- see he's just as stubborn as I am-- so I did.
The counsel we recieved was, you need to make this decision together. He gave us other great counsel too, but he kept coming back to us making this decision together. All I could think was-- wait a second. We did make this decision together. Two months ago at the temple. Everything felt right then, what has changed?
The peace in my heart was back. My eyes were opened.
Dylan and I talked, we discussed. We refined our plan and again, we will fast and pray, and take it to the Lord. I know, we both know the answer. But it never hurts to make sure. Because we are human, and there must be opposition in all things. That's what this life is all about, knowing the bitter from the sweet.
I had plenty of time to observe friends living through, what I knew my family surely would face. During this time, I welcomed advice and took careful notes.
I feel blessed to go through this trial, when so many others are experiencing the same thing. Its bittersweet. Yet, I can't imagine how much harder it would be if we were the only ones.
One crucial piece of advice, that I truly feel was inspired, was from the dearest of friends. She shared with me of how she and her husband prayed, fasted, and attended the temple with a very specific purpose and plan. She bore her testimony of the peace they found after taking these small steps.
Prayers have left my lips, millions of times over, ever since my mouth could utter words. Never before did it occur to me to create my own detailed and specific plan, not to mention developing this plan with my spouse. I felt as though my teenage spirit had just entered adulthood.
Sure I had prayed for things before, and you would think that I would have even created some kind of plan in the past. But truly, I really only think I've prayed for help with A, or to know if B or C was the right thing to do. Never did I say, Okay, this is what we feel we want/need x, y, and z. And this is how we are going to do it and we would like to do it within this time line. Please give us confirmation.
To many of you this may seem like information I should have learned in primary, but it truly never occurred to me to approach my trials in this manner.
I discussed the idea with Dylan and we decided we had nothing to lose and the whole world to gain. In January we attended the temple. Planning, discussing, and praying before we entered those hallowed doors. When we left, it was amazing, but we both walked away with the same exact feelings. One of which was PEACE.
Within a week things that were out of our hands were set into motion. A job offer for me. It left us confused, but quickly that confirming peace was there.
Within a month, news of Dylan's job coming to a real end. We didn't even seem to bat an eye at this. Total and complete peace.
Within two weeks, my frustration with Dylan's lack of job searching was coming to a head, when he approached me with, not just one miracle, but a handful. Offers were made, trust was given, and my husband tells me he wants to open his OWN store.
Don't forget I'm the one lacking faith in this relationship. So true to form. I put on the brakes. Causing opposition and anger all around me. I second guessed everything. I mean really, him losing his job, was supposed to be his chance to get a real job, with benefits, and a chance to move up and all those necessities I'd been longing for. My force of opposition was gaining strength now, and of course, my feelings of peace had dissipated.
The one thing that kept screaming to me loud and clear was, you need to talk with your bishop. I begged Dylan to make an appointment. He wouldn't-- see he's just as stubborn as I am-- so I did.
The counsel we recieved was, you need to make this decision together. He gave us other great counsel too, but he kept coming back to us making this decision together. All I could think was-- wait a second. We did make this decision together. Two months ago at the temple. Everything felt right then, what has changed?
The peace in my heart was back. My eyes were opened.
Dylan and I talked, we discussed. We refined our plan and again, we will fast and pray, and take it to the Lord. I know, we both know the answer. But it never hurts to make sure. Because we are human, and there must be opposition in all things. That's what this life is all about, knowing the bitter from the sweet.
Monday, January 26, 2009
He Humbles Us
A week ago, Sunday an anonymous gift was graciously left on our doorstep. Dylan and I were shocked and even stunned. I wish I could say that it was easy to recieve this gift-- but it was not. Because we both are prideful. Dylan was mad at me for blabbing about our situation. I was a little embarrassed too. In the midst of our prideful arguing-- I came to a realization and expressed it with Dylan. We needed to accept this act of service. We have served diligently and will continue to serve-- we love how we feel when we serve and we love knowing that we are also serving our Heavenly Father-- doing what He would have us do. Never before have we been in a situation where we have needed others to serve us-- accepting service is sometimes harder than giving it. Together we realized how we needed to allow others to serve us-- no matter how hard it might be.
This act of service was invaluable because as a result it made Dylan and I create a plan, and pray about our plan and what we want and need for our family. We attended the temple searching and praying for answers. We both walked away with the same answer and have found peace with our situation.
Thank you to whomever blessed our lives-- and what Dylan and I want more than anything is to be able to be in a position in the future to bless lives as you have blessed ours. Your gift meant more to us than you could ever know.
He answers our prayers, he humbles us when we won't listen and he loves us unconditionally-- these things I now with a surety.
This act of service was invaluable because as a result it made Dylan and I create a plan, and pray about our plan and what we want and need for our family. We attended the temple searching and praying for answers. We both walked away with the same answer and have found peace with our situation.
Thank you to whomever blessed our lives-- and what Dylan and I want more than anything is to be able to be in a position in the future to bless lives as you have blessed ours. Your gift meant more to us than you could ever know.
He answers our prayers, he humbles us when we won't listen and he loves us unconditionally-- these things I now with a surety.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
I Have Seen His Hand
With the coming of the new year, Dylan and I decided to cast out all that had gone wrong in 2008. Literally. We wrote each one down on a slip of paper and discussed them briefly and then threw them in the fireplace. As we began writing we both noticed how some of the hard things, or things that had gone wrong had indeed been blessings in our lives.
As we've struggled through the last year, especially with Dylan's job, we've both had the same feeling. The feeling is what we are going through is supposed to be happening and it will turn out to be a blessing to us. It's been so hard for me sometimes to have faith at look at things this way. Especially when it seems the whole world is against you and there is no end in sight. Taking a moment last night to look back, I realized how truly blessed I am.
My husband and I have overcome many things together our relationship couldn't be stronger. I am looking forward to this next year regardless of what it has to offer. I know that if we continue to do what is right our lives will be blessed.
As we've struggled through the last year, especially with Dylan's job, we've both had the same feeling. The feeling is what we are going through is supposed to be happening and it will turn out to be a blessing to us. It's been so hard for me sometimes to have faith at look at things this way. Especially when it seems the whole world is against you and there is no end in sight. Taking a moment last night to look back, I realized how truly blessed I am.
My husband and I have overcome many things together our relationship couldn't be stronger. I am looking forward to this next year regardless of what it has to offer. I know that if we continue to do what is right our lives will be blessed.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
He Humbles Us
I've said it more than once in recent months-- I just wish this year would get over. We have had our share of tragedies and uncertainties this year. More importantly we have had our share of little miracles.
It's the hard times that really make you take a step back and realize all the things that you have taken for granted.
I am truly humbled and grateful for all that I have been blessed with.
The biggest blessing that my eyes have been opened too is my husband. Both of us have changed. Our first seven years of our marriage was filled with turmoil and bitter feelings. Without divulging all the personal gory details, I'll share my short synopsis. I was self -righteous and unforgiving, while Dylan struggled with personal issues. Instead of being supportive, I threw it in his face. It was depressing to me, I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I talked to bishop after bishop seeking guidance, and I would be reminded that I married a good man who cared for me. This I knew was true, but I couldn't get past his stuff, that was keeping him from doing what I felt he should be doing.
Blah, blah, blah-- skip ahead to now-- Like a said we have faced so much as a couple in just this year alone, not to mention our entire marriage. Dylan has become the "glue of my earth." The man holds it all together for me. He has overcome his personal struggles that plagued me, and he has this spirit about him that calms me and blesses our home. When I'm flying off the handle, he grounds me and gives me comfort. His faith supersedes any I have seen.
For years, I am sad to say, I questioned the answer I received, when praying about getting married. This year has made me realize Heavenly Father truly knew what I needed. I needed this man, who would teach me the world is not about black and white. This life is about unconditional love regardless of our faults. This life is about faith, faith in God and faith in our fellow man.
I would not trade any of my experiences. I have learned so much and I am so thankful, for the humility I have gained. I know, that no matter how hard my life gets, I have my best friend to lean on, and even carry me through this storm. I am grateful I get to spend FOREVER with this man.
It's the hard times that really make you take a step back and realize all the things that you have taken for granted.
I am truly humbled and grateful for all that I have been blessed with.
The biggest blessing that my eyes have been opened too is my husband. Both of us have changed. Our first seven years of our marriage was filled with turmoil and bitter feelings. Without divulging all the personal gory details, I'll share my short synopsis. I was self -righteous and unforgiving, while Dylan struggled with personal issues. Instead of being supportive, I threw it in his face. It was depressing to me, I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I talked to bishop after bishop seeking guidance, and I would be reminded that I married a good man who cared for me. This I knew was true, but I couldn't get past his stuff, that was keeping him from doing what I felt he should be doing.
Blah, blah, blah-- skip ahead to now-- Like a said we have faced so much as a couple in just this year alone, not to mention our entire marriage. Dylan has become the "glue of my earth." The man holds it all together for me. He has overcome his personal struggles that plagued me, and he has this spirit about him that calms me and blesses our home. When I'm flying off the handle, he grounds me and gives me comfort. His faith supersedes any I have seen.
For years, I am sad to say, I questioned the answer I received, when praying about getting married. This year has made me realize Heavenly Father truly knew what I needed. I needed this man, who would teach me the world is not about black and white. This life is about unconditional love regardless of our faults. This life is about faith, faith in God and faith in our fellow man.
I would not trade any of my experiences. I have learned so much and I am so thankful, for the humility I have gained. I know, that no matter how hard my life gets, I have my best friend to lean on, and even carry me through this storm. I am grateful I get to spend FOREVER with this man.
Monday, September 29, 2008
He Blesses Us With Children
As we talked about Alma in family home evening tonight. Our four year old asked about the prophet Abinadi and what happened to him. We explained that a mean king burnt him and he died. Our four year old then said, oh I know that story and then the king got fired too--I mean burnt. Dylan and I both sat their with out mouths agape. We both knew that information did not come from us. I asked her where she learned it. She replied, in my book, let me show you. She then went upstairs to her bookshelf and retrieved the old copy of the Book of Mormon reader that we have. She quickly opened to the page and showed us the pictures. I was astounded. Here she is, unable to read, but fully able to grasp the concept of the story in just a few pictures.
I was quickly reminded of Shahna's talk in stake conference, that deeply pierced my heart. She spoke of teaching our children the scriptures. Not watered down stories, but the actual scriptures. She taught that even small children are able to understand and grasp the scriptures. Tonight we witnessed living proof of this concept. Now its time as parents we step up to the plate, its obvious Claire is ready and waiting for us.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
He Reminds Us
It's amazing to me how in the midst of trials my relationship with my husband has become so much stronger. I have discovered this strong man, with so much faith. He amazes me and makes me realize how blessed I am. Each day I'm reminded of why I love this guy!
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