He Give Us Prophets

I have soooooooo been procrastinating writing, and I have needed to badly. How quickly our lives change and we get so caught up in the day to day, we forget to stop and appreciate what we have. I feel as though I have been so ungrateful. Now as I am staring a bleak future in the face I look back and wish, I would have stopped and took more time to appreciate all that I have been blessed with.

Tonight as I sat at our General Relief Society Broadcast, I was reminded once again of how blessed I am. President Uchtdorf's talk really hit home for me. He first spoke on how we as women tend to undervalue our abilities. How we should be striving to please the Lord to the best of our abilities-- not perfectly but to the best of our abilities. He then spoke of finding happiness in this life-- something I have a really hard time with. He asked, what is the greatest kind of happiness? The answer God's happiness-- He went on to say that God is a God of CREATION and COMPASSION. This hit me so hard. For MONTHS I have had this burning within me to create and nurture and take care-- of what I don't know-- its been so intense I have almost felt lost. I have been out of control crafting and serving. I was beginning to feel kind of guilty for these feelings. Listening tonight made me realize that these are indeed inherent feelings that we must nurture and strengthen so that we can become more like God. He is the ultimate creator and nurturer. I need to have these desires and I need to find happiness through these things. Now I shouldn't be looking for happiness through receiving praise from others because of my creating or my service. But I should be seeking joy in the mere act of doing so.

I have found this recently-- Joy in service and creating-- amazing feelings arise within me as I have went out with the missionaries, or went visiting teaching, maybe just doing a simple favor, making something I've never made before, perfecting something, finding ways to bring joy to my husband or daughter. These things bring me JOY-- not what curtains I have, or what clothes I am wearing, or how big my house is-- those things are trivial. The thought of possibly having to work full time and losing my freedom to serve and create is what terrifies me most. I love being available if a friend needs help, or taking a day to sit in my studio and create till my hearts content I cherish these moments with all of my heart. Too the point of selfishness almost.

President Uchtdorf quoted President Hinckley as saying, "The more we serve our fellow man the more substance there is to our souls."

I can't tell you the times when I was emotionally and spiritually in anguish-- the only thing to relieve this pain was SERVICE-- Thank You to the Bishop that made me compassionate service leader, thank you to my Aunt who made me the Assistant coach for her little girls softball team, thank you to the Bishop that made me Young Women's president. All took place when I was being swallowed by anguish in my life.

Work does cure your grief! Serving others is such a blessing to ones life. I've had people ask me why I like to go out with the Sister Missionaries, and as I have pondered this I've realized, number one, because I have always wanted to serve a mission, but number two because of the way I feel the rest of the day, and the next few days-- my soul is fed and joy literally abounds.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is such a glorious thing-- it brings me peace and direction in my life. I am so blessed to be a member of Christ's church, to know that I am a daughter of God, to know that my time on this Earth is to be creating and rejoicing and taking care of one another. I only hope to remember this-- to strive to appreciate all the joy and beauty that surrounds me. I know that if I am faithful to the covenants and commandments I have been given, my life will be blessed and I will need not fear.

He Answers Our Prayers

I have had the chance to go out with the Sister Missionaries quite a few times lately. I love it!!! I wish I had time to go every day. Today while I was with them a prayer was answered in a mysterious way.

With Dylan's store not doing well and not knowing from one day to the next if we will have a job, I have been contemplating going back to teaching. In fact last Sunday, I was in the "I suck as a mom" mode and thought, Claire would probably be better off with someone else and I should go back to work. Quickly, a plan formed in my little pea brain. Everything seemed like it would work. Of course this whole little tangent occurred on the way to church. As I sat through church I was quickly reminded why I stay home. All those reasons I feel it important to stay home, especially that this will be my last year home with Claire. But, I still was thinking that going back to work still my be the right thing to do.

Fast forward to this morning. The missionaries called around nine to see if I would be able to go on a visit with them. Me, not having too many responsibilities had an open afternoon and I said that I would love to. I went and it was wonderful, the spirit was strong I got to bear testimony of Eternal Families. I then dropped the Sisters at their next appointment and went home.

An hour later I get a phone call from the Sisters asking if their keys were in my car and checked and they weren't. The sister's showed up on my doorstep second later to check. Nope, no car keys. So I offered to take them back to our original appointment, cause they couldn't get a hold of the gal by phone.

Long story short, the keys were there. Here's the kicker. While I am driving the Sisters back to their house, one of the Sisters is expressing her sincere appreciation for my help. And it hit my like a ton of bricks. This is why I stay home-- so I can serve.

Things are tight, there's no doubt about it. We have also not been living very frugally for the last little while. We need to make some sacrifices on our part. If I were working I would not only miss out on raising my daughter, but I would miss out on all the opportunities there are out there to serve others and build Heavenly Father's Kingdom. My mother has always been a great example of this.

I know that he loves us and will take care of us. I also know that I am here on this Earth to do His work. The Lord takes care of his people. I do have a testimony of that.

He Answers Our Prayers

Things have been quite tight financially since me quitting babysitting and my surgery. Yesterday I did our budget and was thrown into a deep despair. We were going to be in the red this pay period. NOT good. I was stressing and panicking and stressing and panicking. Then the spirit reminded me, everything will work out, it will be okay. Like normal I dismissed this and continued to stress.

This morning I took on the depressing task of balancing with the bank statement. But this time it wasn't so depressing. When all was said and done the bank statement said I had fifty more dollars than my register said, what???? So, I began my research. Sure enough I found a bill I had written in twice. It was almost the exact amount I needed in my account to keep us from overdrawing until payday tomorrow. Coincidence, I think not.

Does this solve my long term financial situation-- NO, but it once again reminds me to have faith. I sometimes think that Heavenly Father is beating me over the head with this stuff and I am still not getting it. What's it going to take for me to get a clue-- Sarah, he listens to your prayers, he knows what you need.

For this upcoming financial stress I want to have faith that things will work out. I don't want to stress. I want to work hard to prove myself and let Heavenly Father take over. I know and believe that he loves me and knows my hearts desire, he's just waiting for me to get with the program.

I Have Seen His Hand

Once again my life has stared the unthinkable in the face. I came home from a month at my mothers and found myself pregnant. Yeah!!!! Not! From the minute I found out I was pregnant there was no excitement. . . none. I was worried because I hadn't been feeling well, I was worried cause I miscarried in February, I was worried because our insurance was cancelled by our employer last month. This pregnancy did not bring the joy the other two had.

There was a reason for that. This pregnancy brought with it a grapefruit sized cyst, a whole lot of pain, a humongous price tag, and no baby.

I am grateful for the priesthood blessing, that I know played a roll in saving my life. I had been bleeding internally for quite a while. I am grateful for that monster cyst that caused me so much pain I had to get things checked out, otherwise I think I would have ignored the other signs. I am grateful for the people who are in my life right now, who make it a little easier to bear this stinking burden. I am thankful for my husband who keeps putting up with me. I am thankful for my innocent daughter who has such simple faith and hope. I know that I am blessed. I know that my life has been spared. I may not feel like it should have been right now, but I know that I have a mission on this Earth. I know that I need to get over myself and focus on what I can be doing to bless the Kingdom of My Heavenly Father.

He Reminds Us That He's There

Dylan's job is not in a very good place right now. We really don't know how long it will last. This has caused a lot of stress at our house. So yesterday, when we found out that Dylan's three small student loans had been paid off by the lender, we were reminded. Reminded that Heavenly Father is there. This is something that doesn't happen by mere coincidence. This truly is a blessing.
It doesn't matter that is wasn't thousands of dollars that were forgiven, but it does matter that we recognize it as a blessing from him. The stress has been not fun, and this was just a small testimony to me that He watches over us, and that regardless of what happens, he will take care of us.
I have had very little faith in this whole process the last few weeks. I've just had this pit in my stomach that we will be homeless. That's me the worry wort. Dylan, on the other hand, has kept saying that everything will work out okay. I now know that it might be hard, but we will make it through.

He Reminds Us

Thank you to the wonderful sisters that I visit teach. I was reminded today that Visiting Teaching is truly an inspired program. I cannot count how many times visiting teachers have blessed my life. I am so grateful that I get the opportunity to pay it forward. He sends us to help each other.

He Answers Our Prayers

Last night before bed Claire prayed that our family would be safe in the storm. When 4:30 a.m. rolled around and we were huddled in the closet I was mumbling the same prayer. After driving around neighboring cities today, I feel so blessed. It was a terrible storm that ripped through here last night, and we managed to escape unscathed. Others were not so lucky, trampolines lying in the streets. Whole fences blown over. Lots of trees snapped in half. Many swimming pools filled with fence. And Claire's basketball is sitting in the same spot it was yesterday. How??? He really does answer our prayers.